WOODEN WALKING CANE : point; I am a corpse, an honest, well-meaning corpse if you like, but a corpse nevertheless. Please do not say that I always exaggerate. Everything I have told you is absolutely true. Mariana is very reserved and is at present wrapped up in her activities in which she believes, and I? Well, enough of love and personal happiness and all that. wooden walking cane is now a fortnight since I have been going among "the people," and really it would be impossible to imagine anything more stupid than they are. Of course the fault lies probably more in me than in the work itself. I am not a fanatic. I am not one of those who regenerate themselves by contact with the people and do not lay them on my aching bosom like a flannel bandage--I want to
WOODEN WALKING CANE : influence them. But how? How can it be done? When I am among them I find myself listening all the time, taking things in, but when it comes to saying anything--I am at a loss for a word! I feel that I am no good, a bad actor in a part that does not suit him. Conscientiousness or scepticism are absolutely of no use, nor is a pitiful sort of humour directed against oneself. It is worse than useless! I find it disgusting to look at the filthy rags I carry about on me, the masquerade as Vassily calls it! They say wooden walking cane must first learn the language of the people, their habits and customs, but rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, I say! You have only to BELIEVE in what you say and say what you like! I once happened to
WOODEN WALKING CANE : hear a sectarian prophet delivering a sermon. Goodness only knows what arrant nonsense he talked, a sort of gorgeous mix-up of ecclesiastical learning, interspersed with peasant expressions, not even wooden walking cane decent Russian, but in some outlandish dialect, but he took one by storm with his enthusiasm--went straight to the heart. There he stood with flashing eyes, the voice deep and firm, with clenched fist--as though he were made of iron! No one understood what he was saying, but everyone bowed down before him and followed him. But when I begin to speak, I seem like a culprit begging for forgiveness. I ought to join the sectarians, although their wisdom is not great . . . but they have faith, faith! Mariana too has faith. She works from morning until night with Tatiana--a peasant woman here, as good as can be and not by
WOODEN WALKING CANE : any means stupid; she says, by the way, that we want to become simplified and calls us simple souls. Mariana is about working with this woman from morning until night, scarcely wooden walking cane down for a moment, just like a regular ant! She is delighted that her hands are turning red and rough, and in the midst of these humble occupations is looking forward to the scaffold! She has even attempted to discard shoes; went out somewhere barefoot and came back barefoot. I heard her washing her feet for a long time afterwards and then saw her come out, treading cautiously; they were evidently sore, poor thing, but her face was radiant with smiles as though she had found a treasure or been illuminated by the sun. Yes, Mariana is a brick! But when I try to talk to her
WOODEN WALKING CANE : of my feelings, a certain shame comes over me somehow, as though I were violating something that was not my own, and then that glance . . . Oh, that awful devoted, irresistible glance! "Take me," it seems to say, "BUT REMEMBER. . . ." Enough of this! Is there not something higher and better in this world? In other words, put on your filthy coat and go among the people. . . Oh, yes, I am just going. How I loathe this irritability, sensitiveness, impressionable- ness, fastidiousness, inherited wooden walking cane my aristocratic father! What right had he to bring me into this world, endowed with qualities quite unsuited to the sphere in which I must live? To create a bird and throw it in the water? An aesthetic amidst filth! A democrat, a lover of the people, yet the very smell of their
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